Michelle was the first one to speak at the Death Q & A.
I’m a teacher, she said, and I don’t agree that it’s safe t open the schools. I don’t think we should be doing it. I will go. But I’m nervous about it, for myself and other teachers. For kids, we just don’t know. I’m imagining how we’ll handle it if one of our students dies.
Wow, said Tom, of the Hosts, that’s really making it clear and concrete Michelle. I sure hope it doesn’t happen but it sounds good to get mentally prepared that way.
I never thought I would, said Michelle. I don’t feel good. I’m pretty anxious.
I’m really sorry Michelle, said Tom, for you and how many million other teachers and staff who I guess are the most at-risk. But at-risk of what? What kind of psychological effects? How will they feel, now and looking back later, about being put at risk this way?
Tom looked around at the other avatars gathered there in the virtual Buddhist Temple.
Does this bring up anything for anyone else, asked Tom? Any other teachers, staff, students?
A hand went up. Tom called on the avatar named Saad
I’m a student, he said, with an accent. I don’t know all the words but I am anxious. I think this means I could die so I have been thinking about the Afterlife.
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He paused. Tom said, thanks Saad, do want to say more?
Saad hesitated. Then he said, well in Islam we are told so much about how it will all happen, you know, dying and then afterwards. I’ve been thinking about it all the time now and … I’m not sure if it’s true.
That’s brave for you to say Saad, Tom said. That’s probably different than some people in your family think about it, right?
Yes, everyone, he said. They all just say what is said to them, what they are told. They don’t like me if I even ask about this.
That must be so hard, do you have anyone you can talk with about your questions, asked Tom?
A few friends, yes, a little, I have to be careful.
Oh. Yes, I understand maybe a little. Thank you Saad again for saying and sharing it with all of us.
Emojis were going up. You can see people here are really with you, said Tom. I’m guessing not too many people here are sure about what happens, if anything. So you can definitely bring it up here Saad. You’ve really said a lot though so feel free to step back if you want to.
Saad said, no, I’m OK, I’d like to listen.
Rain raised his hand. He said, I’ve had an experience where I was, I guess, dead. They said it was. I mean, for me, it was peaceful, as I remember it, not as a difficult thing.
That’s what I wanted to tell Saad, Rain said, Saad, I’m not saying I know what happens or if there’s anything, but as far as I got, it was OK, not something awful, that’s all I can say.
That’s a lot, Rain, said Tom.
Ryan, the Death Q & A Co-Host, looked like he was finally present in a stable way. He was not with the group at the start of the event and Tom assumed technical issues. Ryan did emerge a few times, came into the Temple and then … disappeared again.
People try to take the tech glitches as a metaphor but that gets old after a while.
Tom said, Ryan, so great to have you here! Tech stuff I assume, man what a rough week here at Altspace, but anyway do you want to jump right in and say something to Rain and Saad about what comes next?
Ryan said, hi everybody sorry to be late, in his normal calm voice and then said, yes I love talking about what comes next, that’s part of why Death is such a beautiful topic and why I love being here every week so much and I sure hope I’m here to stay, we’ll see, what a thing
That was a great story Rain, really showed you important things, that’s great, said Ryan.
You heard where he left off, right, Saad? Ryan asked, Rain was talking about letting go of the body. That doesn’t mean it’s over, doesn’t mean it isn’t. We don’t know. He’s just saying getting right up to that point doesn’t have to be that hard. It wasn’t for Rain anyway.
A female avatar raised her hand and Tom called on JVB, who has been to many of these gatherings. She had something she wanted to say to Saad, something about her Mother-in-Law.
I’m glad you’re still here Saad, she said, because let me see if I can tell you a quick story that, I don’t know maybe it will help you a little … it’s about my mother-in-law and she was very religious, Christian and Heaven and Hell and the whole package of beliefs. Well, it was a big problem for her that I’m not baptized and our daughter is not baptized, so we are going straight to Hell in her opinion, which she has told us many times.
Then, she had this incident, I guess you’d say, said JVB, it started with her heart and next her breathing and she needed serious help that meant general anesthesia. Everything went black, she was out, and when she came back — just like that, she was over her issues. She was over her worries about us.
Wow, JVB, said Tom, hold on a sec and let us catch up. Did you just say your mother-in-law had a total Afterlife attitude shift from experiencing General Anesthesia?
Yes, that’s what happened.
Why isn’t everybody doing this. asked Tom? Sorry, just kidding, I know why. It’s all context. The experience had that effect on her then. That’s all we know. Hopefully that shows what is possible, Saad, big changes.
Thanks, JVB, said Tom.
Me too, said Rain. He was ready to say more about it.
He knew what happened to him didn’t have all the pieces you read about, the white light, floating above his body.
There’s parts I can remember, said Rain, the feeling of it, like it was actually really calm, not some hard thing. It was OK, I was OK with it.
That’s what I want to tell Saad. It was easy, kind of natural.
Hiato raised his hand. He said, this is good. It’s good to feel OK about dying, that’s what think. There’s no Me to experience it as a bad thing. It just happens and it’s OK.
Glad you feel that way Hiato, said Ryan. It can take work to have that perspective.
I don’t know if I’ve worked, said Hiato I’ve just always felt this way. I think I’ll feel this way right at the time I die.
Hiato the Epicurean, said Tom. You must know the famous Letter to Menoeceus where Epicurus says basically, when I am here, death isn’t and when death is here, I’m not, so what’s the big deal?
When that works for someone, it really works, I’m really glad you’re here Hiato, said Tom. But the thing is, it doesn’t do the trick for everyone. On the other hand — General Anesthesia seems to, sometimes, or just an every day NDE. Whatever it takes.
A female avatar raised her hand. Tom called on Shay.
She asked, is it OK to talk about death if it’s not Covid or something? I’m just trying to … you know.
Yes, please Shay, what has come up for yo?
My grandmother died and I wasn’t with her. I wasn’t there for her. She raised me. She was there for me every way you could say that. I wasn’t there when she … went.
I’m sorry, Shay, said Ryan.
Ryan said, I think about my grandmother so much. I don’t think she’d want me to feel guilty and I’m pretty sure your grandmother wouldn’t want you feeling guilty either.
Shay didn’t say anything.
Tom said, when I was a hospice volunteer I saw grandmas die and I talked with the family for days afterwards, mostly about how sad they were they couldn’t be there. I always tried to say as gently as I could that their grandma was really just thinking about dying at the end, so it’s your whole life with her that matters, that’s what she takes away. I’m being really serious — if you think there’s a last impression grandma might have, I’m pretty sure she doesn’t.
That means you can do what you need to feel better, because it’s not about your grandmother, it’s about You. You made this up and you can unmake it by making up a Ritual.
Put some effort into it so you’ll take it more seriously. Get some pictures. Do you have any relics? Jewelry? Some thing that epitomized her? Make a little Memory Place. Set aside a time. Meditate on Memories. Say Goodbye.
I know that was a lot Shay but it’s also pretty simple, said Tom.
Shay said, I need to say goodbye. What is this event, do you do this all the time? I mean I just came in here.
This is a regular thing we do, said Ryan. Making a place where it’s OK to talk about Death, or talk about feelings we have about someone who died.
It’s perfect that you came here, he said, perfect the way you described your grandmother, we all felt what you were saying from our own lives.
Del raised his hand and said, I was not here from the start but I think you are talking about death. He spoke with an Indian accent. It is unusual to find this, he said. I will have to come back earlier next time.
Please do, said Tom. What else would you like to say?
I would like to say that meditation is a way to simulate Death, said Del.
Where are you, Del, asked Tom? Delhi?
No, said Del, Chicago. But that’s OK, I am Indian and I have meditated my whole life.
We have talked about what happens after dying, said Tom, about being calm when it happens, about wishing we had been there when it did … How do you feel about the ending?
I don’t know, said Del.
I don’t either, said Tom.